We are back from our little get-away. It was so nice to sleep in a hotel, watch TV and read. D and I had lots of time to talk and relax.
Many people have asked us how we are doing and I find myself saying something like, “We are okay” or “Most of the time we are just fine.” Both those statements are totally true – the majority of the time we are doing just fine. There are so many people who have been praying for us which we know has been a huge help. We still feel very much called to foster care. God knew long before we did that M & T would come into our lives, that we would be told they were “adoptable” and that in June the whole story would change. He has been preparing us for this for a long time, before we even knew it.
I’ll be honest, up until Wednesday night, this post would have been very different. I cried a little on Friday before we dropped off the kids but that was the only time I really felt sad. I’m sure we distracted ourselves with the long weekend away. I was even wondering why we were not feeling more emotional about this loss.
But on Wednesday, I walked into Target and saw a little girl coming out with her dad. She had her hair done the way I often did M’s and she was wearing the same leggings from an outfit I bought M recently. Then I stood in line behind a women and her one year old son who had big, curly hair and I wondered if T’s would be like that in six months. There are many reminders of them around the house but what is most noticeable is the quietness.
I asked God to protect me from anger, bitterness and cynicism and He has done that. I am thrilled for the kids’ mom that she is able to have them back. I am not angry at the system for all its quirks. But I am sad and I know that is because we fell in love with M & T, we embraced our role as their parents and poured attention on them.
I want to be honest about foster care and the ups and downs but I’m hesitant to post about the “bad” because I don’t want to discourage people who are considering foster care, nor do I want to be dramatic. I still feel like the blessings outnumber the hardships. I still think we can do it again and that God has designed D and I’s relationship for this. So, I guess, that is where we are at: sad but not deterred.