I have not really written much about being pregnant. If you are not into this sort of post, feel free to skip it. I totally understand.
I think I started realizing about last week that I really am actually pregnant. I know that sounds kind of crazy since I am 25 weeks but it has been fairly easy to forget with two (well, three, right now) other kiddos running around. I was nauseous but never sick really early on and that went away quickly. I have not had any strange cravings or been ravenously hungry. The only thing that has changed about my diet is that I don’t really like chicken anymore.
According to some websites, I’m in my third trimester. I divided 40 weeks by 3 and got 13.33 weeks makes a trimester. According to that, I have a couple more weeks to go until my third trimester which makes me feel a bit better because then I feel like I have more time until she arrives. But I know, I really don’t, and I’ve started reading a couple books to get me prepared for labor and delivery (this one & this one). Tonight, I am going to a meet & greet with the doulas and midwives from the hospital where we are planning to have the baby. We have not hired a doula (although, I am sure they are worth it the fee is expensive and not covered by insurance).
Last week, I found The Longest Shortest Time the way I find all good things (via random link on Twitter). Since then, I have listened to every episode and probably should have spaced them out a bit more since some of the stories are sad or a bit scary. But, truly, it is a great podcast/blog and I highly recommend it. Also, I may or may not have read every birth story I can find on the internet. We’ve had a newborn but I’ve never been through labor. I feel prepared for somethings and totally unprepared for others.
After a cool week last week, the temperature went back up Monday and, to me, it felt like it was the hottest day ever. I was doing the school pick-up (preschool > kindergarten > other neighborhood to get G off the bus) and was so angry at how hot it was. I am totally over summer. It can go far, far away for all I care. We are doing a lot these days and my energy level is not what I would like it to be and I have suddenly realized that I actually do have some physical limitations now (I mean, not that I was running marathons or anything before). A very kind neighbor of mine offered to help me last week and then, even better, came over and said, “Seriously. Let me help.” Sometimes you just need that.
Emotionally, I am dealing with mom guilt, mostly which is completely irrational. I have guilt that this little girl will grow up with us from day one. That I get to feel her kick me. That we will see her do all her firsts. I feel guilty for missing all this with the boys and I know that makes no sense because missing out on that with them has nothing to do with me. Adoption is joyful and wonderful but also full of loss. Pregnancy is highlighting that a bit for me right now but I am trying to focus on what I do get to do with these boys and remember every hilarious thing that they do (or at least write it down for when I can’t remember).