Monday, I turned 28 years old. I’m just not a fan of growing up. In fact, I tell the boys often to “Please stop growing” but we all just keep getting older. There is nothing we can do about it.
Last night, I received an email from M & T’s mom asking if we had time to stop by today to celebrate T’s first birthday. That little (well, not so little) baby I picked up at our agency last March is one year old today. I can’t believe it. That day is so clear in my mind as if it was only a few weeks ago (I cannot say the same for the weeks that followed – those are a blur).
Today we celebrated this sweet boy. He walks, he grunts, he giggles. He is happy and has a big sister who keeps him entertained. I could never have imagined a day like today. We took our two boys who we are in the process of adopting to visit two kids who we thought we were going to adopt. It was joyous and comfortable. M was generous with hugs. T smashed cake all over his face. It was such a typical first birthday in so many ways but a-typical at the same time.
I have such love and respect for M & T’s mom. She thanked us again for playing a part in her kids life. I told her she needs to stop thanking us so much. She is doing a great job and shares more of her story with us as we get to know her better. Her kids love her and we were really blessed to be a part of helping this family stay a family.
Tomorrow, our four year old turns five. We couldn’t possibly forget because he has reminded us many, many times. I can’t help but wonder what his birthday was like. I wish I could know though we probably never will. What was I doing on February 24, 2006? Thanks to Gmail, I know that I was picking out duvet covers to put on our wedding registry. While I emailed D ideas for decorating our apartment our son was being born. Crazy, huh? We had no idea it was such an important day.
I can’t wait to celebrate our five year old this weekend but I can’t help but be a little sad to have missed out on all his previous birthdays and milestones. I wish I could tell him what he was like at two years old or what his first word was. I wish I could show him a picture of him mashing cake in his face on his first birthday. There is loss in adoption and those are the things I worry a bit about dealing with in the future.
But there is so much joy too and today was an example of that. How God gives us joy beyond what we expected, surpassing all our plans. I am trusting that He will help us deal with the hard things.